"The Only Problem With Fairytales...

...is that they set a girl up for dissapointment."

Thank you Gossip Girl for the supplying me with the quote that's hit closest to home in the past month or so.

That and Disney leaving me waiting for the perfect person, which clearly is not going to happen in this town. But more on that in a different entry.

It's been one of those weekends where I've figured out a lot about myself by doing absolutely nothing productive. Friday was terrible at first, and it was nobody's fault but mine. I was in a horrendous mood. I honestly wouldn't have wanted to be around me. It wasn't anyone or anything specific, I was just fed up with everything. I decided to spend the night at home just relaxing, which is beyond heard of for me. I have to go out or I've wasted a whole day. But for some reason I couldn't find any reason to leave my house, and I didn't want to bother trying. I didn't want to pretend I was having fun like usual.

I ended up napping and feeling much better when I woke up. I went to hang out with friends I hardly ever see. Part of the night was spent watching a jam session, while the other was spent on elementary school roof's in the rain. I liked being with the people I never get to see doing whatever we felt like. There was no excessive planning to have fun and it was just all really relaxed and fun.

When I woke up this morning, the feeling was back. I was cranky even though I'd slept for a long time. I asked my dad if I could go to the Dance Party show, and he said no based on location (which is actually really reasonable so I didn't argue). After that the morning basically went downhill. The girl I was supposed to go to the show with texted me asking when we could leave, and when I explained she just got upset with me, blaming me for ruining her night. I mean yeah, it really does suck. It's happened to me, and it's the worst feeling ever. But it was something I didn't have control over, and I wanted to fix. Still, the facebook status's about me didn't help my mood much.

I ended up letting down a few more people by deciding to stay home and take a day for myself. It finally hit me, even though people have mentioned it to me before. I care way too much about making other people happy. I'll go out of my way to do what they want, even if it's something I really don't want to do. I needed a day for myself where I do what I want and not care if other people disagree. Being a pushover for so long has taken a pretty big toll on me. I really don't want to be a pushover, but I guess that's the best way to describe it. Ugh.

Evenutally I quite being dramatic and went out and had fun being with people I wanted to be with. Yeah, some people are definitely mad at me now, but the ones I care about will figure out how I was dealing and forgive me, hopefully. The rest I could really care less about :)

So there you have it. My semi-rant entry about how I need to quit being a pushover. My goal from now on is to really start doing stuff I want to do. Not all the time of course, just enough to not let it pile up and go temporarily crazy.

That and I need to stop listening to this Mayday Parade CD, since it's the only thing on my iPod. I've probably listened to it a good 8 times today.

<3