"The Only Problem With Fairytales...

...is that they set a girl up for dissapointment."

Thank you Gossip Girl for the supplying me with the quote that's hit closest to home in the past month or so.

That and Disney leaving me waiting for the perfect person, which clearly is not going to happen in this town. But more on that in a different entry.

It's been one of those weekends where I've figured out a lot about myself by doing absolutely nothing productive. Friday was terrible at first, and it was nobody's fault but mine. I was in a horrendous mood. I honestly wouldn't have wanted to be around me. It wasn't anyone or anything specific, I was just fed up with everything. I decided to spend the night at home just relaxing, which is beyond heard of for me. I have to go out or I've wasted a whole day. But for some reason I couldn't find any reason to leave my house, and I didn't want to bother trying. I didn't want to pretend I was having fun like usual.

I ended up napping and feeling much better when I woke up. I went to hang out with friends I hardly ever see. Part of the night was spent watching a jam session, while the other was spent on elementary school roof's in the rain. I liked being with the people I never get to see doing whatever we felt like. There was no excessive planning to have fun and it was just all really relaxed and fun.

When I woke up this morning, the feeling was back. I was cranky even though I'd slept for a long time. I asked my dad if I could go to the Dance Party show, and he said no based on location (which is actually really reasonable so I didn't argue). After that the morning basically went downhill. The girl I was supposed to go to the show with texted me asking when we could leave, and when I explained she just got upset with me, blaming me for ruining her night. I mean yeah, it really does suck. It's happened to me, and it's the worst feeling ever. But it was something I didn't have control over, and I wanted to fix. Still, the facebook status's about me didn't help my mood much.

I ended up letting down a few more people by deciding to stay home and take a day for myself. It finally hit me, even though people have mentioned it to me before. I care way too much about making other people happy. I'll go out of my way to do what they want, even if it's something I really don't want to do. I needed a day for myself where I do what I want and not care if other people disagree. Being a pushover for so long has taken a pretty big toll on me. I really don't want to be a pushover, but I guess that's the best way to describe it. Ugh.

Evenutally I quite being dramatic and went out and had fun being with people I wanted to be with. Yeah, some people are definitely mad at me now, but the ones I care about will figure out how I was dealing and forgive me, hopefully. The rest I could really care less about :)

So there you have it. My semi-rant entry about how I need to quit being a pushover. My goal from now on is to really start doing stuff I want to do. Not all the time of course, just enough to not let it pile up and go temporarily crazy.

That and I need to stop listening to this Mayday Parade CD, since it's the only thing on my iPod. I've probably listened to it a good 8 times today.

<3

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends

...but I haven't thought of you lately at all.

Gotta love the Dandy Warhols, not to mention the theme song to Veronica Mars.

No but seriously. I feel like I haven't been talking to some people as much as I used to. Like I don't see very many people at school, and when I do we never actually talk. And it sucks.

Note to self: work on keeping touch with people.

First Day of the Last Year

so the first day of school didn't kill me. but it definitely wasn't great.
well, yeah. it was great to be a senior and be the oldest group in the school.
but really, the school thing isn't doing it for me anymore. hopefully i'll figure out something to look forward to while i'm there so i at least get through the days.
(i'll be taking this all back once graduation rolls around, guaranteed)

i'm getting my new camera this week. it's a canon rebel. hopefully i'll get it in time for the potential photoshoot with the bigger lights next week.
that would make the year bearable :]

Summer Mix- beginning to end.

"summer songs" have dominated the past 3 months of my life. They're mostly upbeat and fun, reminding you that you really don't have to worry about anything except what your plans are that night. And then there are those that remind you the break's over and it's time to get back to reality... bummer. My attempt at a playlist (what? this is me avoiding a college essay? no way.) to sum up the summer:

School's Out- Alice Cooper

Slow Down- The Academy Is...

All Time Low- The Party Scene

When Did We Lose Ourselves- The Bigger Lights

Dammit- Blink-182

Heels Over Head- Boys Like Girls

The Better Way- Brighten

Trust Me- 3OH!3

Serenade- Crash Car Burn

Drive- Count Your Blessings

Smile for the Paparazi- Cobra Starship

Indiana- Forever the Sickest Kids

We Say Summer- All Time Low

Safe Ride- Cute is What We Aim For

Away We Go- Valencia

Summer Hair = Forever Young- The Academy Is...

Break It Out- The Rocket Summer

Quarantine My Heart- Powerspace

This Will Be Our Year- OK Go

then the perfect (tragic) summer's over songs:

August is Over- We the Kings

Summer Skin- Death Cab for Cutie

One More Weekend- The Academy Is

...time to go back to school.

LAME.

usually i'm excited. this year i couldn't care less. senioritis has kicked in before the year even started.

greeaaat.

Veronica Mars

is the most addicting show ever. I've watched at least 6 episodes tonight. I need to stop, this is getting ridiculous.

...but Piz on season three totally makes it.

Beach for the Week

So Cape May's not the most thrilling place in the world. But really, when three or four really cute surfers decide to stand right in front of you for two hours, it's not half bad. Even if your sister doesn't appreciate the sight and leaves you there.

Blogging is the New Pink

I did it. I finally got a blog. You know, just so I'd have one more thing to do on the internet to help me procrastinate and never actually get work done. Who knows, maybe I'll actually update it on a regular basis. That'll be my goal for this school year.

...which, sadly, starts in a little over a week. Yeah, it's senior year so it's supposed to be fun and all that, but still. School is school. I'd rather just keep having summer for 8 months.

I'm ready for this school year to be different. I'm not gonna get caught up in all the unnecessary drama and problems. I'm gonna try and just do whatever I want to do and not try to make everyone else happy (not that I don't like making people happy. I'm just gonna stop being as much of a pushover).

Francesca goes back to Italy today :( This summer was so much fun with her. But next summer Claire and I are going over to Italy to visit her, so that should be amazing! She says we'll go to the disco every night :D

Time to head to the beach. I've been doing nothing but sleeping since I've been in Cape May.